


Be Here, Be There

by Absolute_Trash37



Series: STFU ABOUT CHRISTMAS. IT'S OCTOBER [5]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Mutual Pining, No one dies in this one but it's oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21539329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolute_Trash37/pseuds/Absolute_Trash37
Summary: The first Christmas since Penelope left and Josie is lonely. A message only makes her feel more so.It is not December 1st therefore it is still too early for Christmas stuff so more Xmas themed suffering
Relationships: Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Series: STFU ABOUT CHRISTMAS. IT'S OCTOBER [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1158332
Kudos: 56





	Be Here, Be There

Josie sat alone in the lounge, curfew having already passed. The soft glow from the fireplace and the warm light created by all of the colourful Christmas decorations helped illuminate the book in her lap. 

Penelope's book. 

The fiery witch had left months ago, the night Josie gave up everything for her twin without realizing it. She surrendered the Miss Mystic Falls title to Hope; she lost every hint of her normal life; she sacrificed her chance of being with Penelope again; and she gave up the chance to be happy, all on the same night. 

Life got so complicated so quickly, and Josie could pretend that it was Penelope's fault, or her father's, but in reality, she was the only one to blame. 

If Penelope was still here, she'd tell Josie to stand up for herself, to fight. Josie didn't want to fight, she didn't deserve someone to defend her. Not even herself. 

She looked at the pages, people writing down their secret desires for Christmas, gushing about kissing someone under the mistletoe, she felt guilty, looking at people's secret thoughts. She wondered how Penelope felt, looking at all of those secrets. Josie wanted to believe Penelope hated it. 

Just like the siphoner wanted to hate Penelope, just like she wanted Penelope to be by her side right there in the lounge, drinking hot chocolate and making jokes about the holidays. 

She wanted help, to deal with everything that had happened. Writing to Penelope had failed, she wasn't residing at the witch school. Even locater spells wouldn't work, meaning Penelope had created a barrier around herself. Penelope was on another continent, and she wasn't even sure Penelope was alive. 

But that wasn't necessarily true. 

Penelope wrote. Every morning, well, it was morning for Josie, at 8 am, every day. 

_I love you, Jojo._

Every. Morning. Josie wanted to write back, tried to contact Penelope, but it never worked. 

Maybe she thought Josie wouldn't look at the journal, or maybe she wanted to make sure Josie couldn't forget Penelope. It wouldn't be hard, Penelope had a habit of leaving scars. That's what they were, wounds Josie had to try desperately to recover from. 

Josie flipped through the book, there was a surprising amount of blank pages left. Josie wasn't sure how, it seemed something new was added constantly.

Josie was looking at a doodle someone had done of two people kissing under a streetlight in the snow, her fingers gently traced over it. It had been added quickly and was genuinely impressive. It almost made Josie envious. But that wasn't hard, either. As she looked at the details, she felt the next page moving, being pressed against like a pen. A new entry. 

Josie turned to it, watching as letters flowed into words, being added one after another. No one wrote in calligraphy, and Josie almost thought it might be the one person she knew who did. But it wasn't anywhere near 8 am. 

_I miss you. I guess that's what I want to say most. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up and you ramble when you get excited. I miss waking you up, and how my day got better every time you looked at me. I've missed it for a while now, all of it, the way you make me feel, the way you encourage me to not be horrible._

_It's scary, thinking you might read this, that is if you've been looking at my logbook._

Josie's breath hitched in her throat. Her heart started to beat faster as her fingers held the edge of the page a little bit tighter.

_I want to hope that if I came back right now, you'd kiss me and we could be together and be happy._

Josie was screaming inside her head. "We could. Come back right now and we will." She felt stupid, talking to a piece of paper, but it was the closest to Penelope she could get. 

_Europe is nice this time of year, you'd love it, we'd love it._

"Then tell me where you are, I'll come, Penelope, please."

_I think about you too much, about what you'd love and about what you'd hate, about what you'd look like sitting in one of the cafes or looking around all of the shops. Recently I've thought about waking up next to you on Christmas morning._

"So have I."

_It's kind of a problem, this looming figure over me that practically has complete control of my life, yet is completely absent from it._

Josie let out a huff. "How do you think I feel?" 

_I love you so much, I have since the day I first saw you. Well, bumped into you. I really don't think it's healthy, not at all. It's like an addiction I can't kick. I honestly wish I could quit you, but at the same time, it's the last thing I want. Because nothing compares, Josie. You're it, you'll always be it. But to you, I'm worse than a disease, I'm just a villain, and I'm sorry that that is what I had to become to you, I really am._

"No, Penelope, no no no no, erase it, scribble it out, it's not true. It's not true." Penelope saved Josie, it was a hard truth, but she needed to know about the merge, and thanks to Penelope, she did. 

_I love you, even if you hate me, and it's something I should probably work on getting over._

_Merry Christmas, Jojo._

Josie waited a moment, and then another. There was nothing added, Penelope had put the pen down. 

"It's not true!" Josie begged as she adjusted her position to sit hunched over the logbook. "No, Penelope, tell me where you are, let me find you, I want to spend Christmas with you and every other day too, damn it, Penelope, please," Josie flipped through the pages to see if there had been anything before that she missed. "Don't leave me again." 

Pages and pages. During her search, the fire had died down and the sky had a hint of lightening. 

"Dammit!" The book slapped against the floor as Josie buried her head in her hands. Christmas day, the most "wonderful time of the year" and Josie felt more defeated than when she found out about how the merge works. 

She wanted Penelope back in her life, and Penelope wanted Josie out of hers.

She really did throw away any chance of them being together, but hope and optimism made her blind to the fact.

**Author's Note:**

> took a different painful holiday route but I still think it should sting. 
> 
> Also has some parallels with my other posie fic, it's intentional.


End file.
